My love/ I still love you, but I need a break from you- relationship with my kids

We got back from vacation on Sunday night, much later than I wanted to.  But on Monday, what I was thinking about was not what an amazing time we had (though we did), or how glad I was to be back in America- the land of soft plush beds and potato chips (though I was), what I was thinking about was how glad I was to be home to my kids.  I was going to write this blog on adoption, because Monday was the 4 year anniversary of when we adopted our baby girl.  I don’t think many people tell the truth about adoption much, so I feel like it needs to be talked about.  But honestly, I’m not feeling that right now, so maybe next week.  No, what I want to write about today is the inordinate flow of emotion that is seeping from my brain in this very moment.  I’m feeling very Jekyll and Hyde today.

It is amazing how much you can miss your children in one instant.  When we missed our plane in the Minnesota airport and found out it may be a full day before we could get home to our kids, or at least 8 more hours, I almost lost it right there in the airport.  I cried, I like ugly cried.  And when I found out that my baby girl (yup, the same one whose adoption we would celebrate the next day) had been missing her mommy and asking how many more hours till she got to see me, I barely held myself together.  I missed my kids in my bones.

But now, here I am a mere 2 days later and I feel like I need another vacation.  The last two days have been one hectic after the other.  Yesterday I had a brief moment when my mother went to pick up my kids from school and they weren’t there.  To say I panicked would be an understatement.  Then later that evening my son decided to refrain from using all logic and reason.  And then today it seems that my girls decided to act like quarreling, whining, shrieking, banshees after school.  Seriously, I need to tap out for a bit, bring in an alternate, I’m not going to make it.

It happens so fast.  I know I’m not alone in this parents.  You feel it too, right?

Tomorrow I will like them with every fiber of my being again, I just know it, or at least…I hope so!


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