No, this blog isn’t about sex. Though I got to be a part of a very interesting talk today speaking to young moms about keeping the passion alive in marriage. But that is not what this blog is about today, maybe next week…I know, you’ll be waiting!
What has been on my mind is this whole idea of leaving and cleaving, this has been what I have grappled with this week, and in turn what I’ve made my husband grapple with. Ah, the joy of being my soul mate! 😉 Lucky Man!
Mamma’s boys, mother-in-law’s, it has me thinking…Why do men have a such a hard time leaving and cleaving, forsaking all others? If we look at marriages of old (like B.C. kind of old) we see that marriage has always been about the woman leaving her family to move into the husbands household. She left her village, her family, her home, never to return. Even if her husband died, a man in her husbands family was responsible to marry her and care for her. They were her new family. We say it still today “who gives this woman away”. No one gives the man away, he is not given, the woman is. Of course as a strong and very independent woman, I hate this. I loathe it! Thinking on this makes me insane, hair standing on the back of my neck kind of unhinged. But still, it is in some part truth. And the oldest male in the family is the one responsible for the family, the leader.
It makes me think of my favorite show the last few years, Parenthood. OK, now I have not watched the final season, so don’t leave any comments about it. I’m still waiting for it to come out on Netflix, which is taking FOR-EV-ER! I may die of anticipation.
If you don’t know the show, there are 4 siblings, the oldest is a son- Adam Braverman. He is the leader of the braverman clan, a wonderful and thoughtful man who puts his family first. He takes care of his siblings, he is the family rock, he is the glue. I am married to Adam Braverman. Real life, this is my husband. I LOVE him for this, I HATE him for this. Sometimes it sucks being Christina Braverman…just sayin! The other beautiful thing about the Braverman family is, the Braverman parents. They made their son-in-laws and daughter-in-laws their kids. I have a friend who does this, she calls them their daughter-in-loves. They are as important as her own kids. The happiness of their daughter-in-love(s) is as important to them as the happiness of their own children. I pray to be able to be this kind of parent to my adult children one day. But often that isn’t the case. It’s why we have the term ‘monster-in-law’ isn’t it? And yet, that doesn’t matter. What matters is the leaving and cleaving.
And then…the two shall become one. One. One flesh, one thought, one happiness, one heartbeat. One. Leaving, cleaving, being given away, and then one. How? Literally, how? How do I leave my family, cleave to my husband (and his family?), and become one flesh? 16 years in of a wonderful, happy, healthy, great, marriage to my own Adam Braverman, and this one is still hard for me.
And I know that leaving his family while still being the backbone of it, all the while- cleaving to me and having one heartbeat, being one flesh is a constant juggle for him.
I’ve never been what they may call a closed book. People always know right where they stand with me, and if anything I usually share too much. This is my real life struggle this week. Now you know.