Staying Married

Marriage. Okay, so after almost 20years of marriage, I can honestly say in most ways marriage gets easier with time. We no longer fight about being young, broke, and barely making ends meet. We’ve fought most of the lack of understanding fights to be had, and we generally get each other and how we operate. I’ve learned to get over his socks he leaves in front of the couch, and his pants discarded literally feet from the hamper (ok, maybe I’m not completely over it). And he’s learned to get over me making the bed around him and my stack of magazines on the coffee table.

However, anyone who thinks making time for your spouse in marriage is hard with babies, hasn’t had teenagers. You literally spend all of your time shelling out money and running a people around like you’ve never imagined before. It’s so busy and so expensive, that you wish you could go back to buying diapers and formula and baby food. That would be a dream! And a kid you could put in a playpen and walk away from, priceless!

Making time for one another, dates, being intentional, it only gets harder. And before you know it, you can look back and realize it’s been months and months since you’ve gone on a date…months since you’ve actually spent any real time together…months since you’ve had a real conversation. This truth is real.

If you don’t set a routine when your kids are little and really stick to it, you will completely be passing ships. There’s a reason so many marriages end after kids go off to college, because it takes serious amounts of work and intentionallity to even continue to know one-another, much-less like one-another. We’re big fans of The Five Love Languages, and so I would say it takes serious amounts of constantly remembering your spouse’s love language and regularly finding creative ways to speak it. Try doing that when you’re overworked, stressed out, and barely keeping your eyes open. It’s exhausting! And sometimes you just don’t want to, and there are weeks and months of time sometimes were you are just a fighting to like that other person that you are stuck with. But marriages that last, stick it out.

Marriages that last realize those are only seasons. We call them Valley seasons, and I don’t really know why…mountaintops and valleys…sure the view is amazing from the mountaintop, all dreamy and lovely…like your wedding day, but I don’t want to spend my life on a mountaintop, and a valley isn’t bad. Valleys are calm, quiet, peaceful places. Valleys are good. No, bad times in marriage are more like the pits of hell…where you despise one another, fight, and struggle to remember if this person you’ve pinned yourself to is even good at all. TRUTH! I love valleys. Bring on the valleys. But the more you stick out those marriage pits of hell, the better the valleys are, the more frequent they are, and there are even some mountain tops again…once in a while.


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