I lost it

So I looked for blogs today about losing it as a mom and the guilt of parenting and what showed up was a bunch of blogs on moms who feel guilty for working or reasons why mothers lose it and a bunch of coping mechanisms to help you not lose it.

Here’s the deal…I don’t feel guilty for working. So thanks, but no thanks. And I know exactly why I lose it. Tired, 3 kids and I work full-time, so…yes. Over-stressed, um again, yes. Unmet or unreal expectations, duh. I also know how to keep myself from losing it. Breath, yup, I’m not a total ignoramus so I can figure that one out. Count to ten, take a break, know consequences ahead of time, keep calm….the list goes on and on, yes, as non morons, we know these things. Thanks for pointing out the obvious.

Yet, still today I lost it. I lost it like a crazy dragon mom spitting fire and burning down everything in my path. My teenager caught in my crossfire. Of course she was not blameless, she’s a teenager…an over emotional, selfish, spoiled teenager. Unmet or unreal expectations, ya think! And then they look at you, punishing you with their anger. As if we needed punishing. Her looks of death cannot punish me as much as I punish myself. The guilt of being a mom, a normal mom who messes up and makes a mistakes, is mammoth. It’s Gut-wrenching and you are left feeling like the worst mom ever in existence.

It’s not like we are allowed to lose it, it’s not like we are supposed to, like it’s OK. It’s not. It’s not OK. Yelling at my kid like a crazy lady today, not OK. So why am I telling you…well, to vent mostly. To make sure I know I’m not alone. To make sure you know your not alone. We can do better. I’ll do better tomorrow. But let’s be honest, I’ll lose it again. I will be seen on the highway screaming one day, smoke exhaling from my nostrils. So when you see me wave, say a little prayer, and know that motherhood is hard. It’s real hard and it’s OK to not be perfect. So let’s drop the perfect charade. Let’s admit our imperfection, let’s go to our kids admitting our wrongness and asking forgiveness, lets strive for the whole counting/breathing thing, and stop beating ourselves up when we miss the mark.


One thought on “I lost it

  1. You are not alone my friend. Words that really helped me that I heard a couple of weeks ago by Dr. Landreth are “the first children had a perfect parent and those children still screwed up!” These words give me so much comfort. Takes some of the pressure off. I’m not even close to perfect so I know I’ll screw up. So no matter how perfect we try to be they will still screw up. All we can do is ask for forgiveness & try to do better.

    Like

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