Life with kids is unstable. Physically, emotionally, financially…constant, ever changing, instability, one wave of transition after the other. It’s a hot dang mess of disruption and disorder, because life has a way of just continuing to happen. It makes me think of sitting on the beach, a wave comes and brings with it something new, but washes something away with it as well. Every new adventure or phase of life washes away the last, and nothing remains of those days but the memories. Is it sad? Sure, in a way. But, I personally tend to be the type that welcomes a bit of change, a bit of messy. Not spacial messy for goodness sakes, we aren’t hogs *neat-freak alert*, but life messy…well…is there any other way?
And so, we live life here in the Bedlington house in a vortex of chaos. I’ve shared before that my friend Sharon says I have a black cloud over me, perhaps preferring to refer to me as Calamity Jane. Conceivably, I am just a disruptive person…
But while a constant cloud of change it is indeed, it’s not a black cloud really, not to me. It’s more like a whirlwind of colorful commotion. Yes, I think that describes things rather well. Without question, some of it is black and disheartening, certainly, as life can sometimes be. But, some of that commotion whipper wind is most definitely disruptively golden and full of light.
In true commotion form, we’ve decided as a family that we want to foster or adopt again. I can’t tell you what brought us to such a decision other than that we just felt called by God to do it…blessed enough that we knew we could, and faithful enough that we knew we should. Is it terrifying? Thoroughly, and there is certain to be some real whirl winds along the way. But, I am a firm believer that nothing good and beautiful comes without a petrifying leap of faith, and a deep dive into the uncontrollable.
I have no control. I have no control of how hard this will be or how it will turn out….and praise God for it! Because frankly, the people I know who are trying to control everything, seem pretty stinkin miserable. Life and love just don’t fit in a nice neat package with a bow on top. That’s not real. It’s messy. And oh, can that messy be SO GOOD…SO HARD…but oh so good!
Most things don’t turn out the way you planned them to, and kids for dang sure don’t….but you can ride the waves, or let them knock you over. I for one, much prefer the ride. And when I get a little anxious…a glass of wine.