My year of possibility

If 2014 was the year of disaster.  And oh, it was…Then 2015 was the year everything began to unravel.  So maybe 2016 has hope of being the year the pieces began to fall back into place, or rather, the year they fall into a new place.  I feel on the verge of possibility.

As you know by now, 2014 was fine until August, then we had the plane crash (resulting in the death of my nephew and brother in law).  Then our house fire at the end of November was followed by the death of my husbands grandfather in December.

Now enough be said about 2014.  It ended and all seemed to be going well.  We were focused on healing and building, literally- we were building our house.  So it took me until the summer of 2015 to realize that while I had been busy personally healing and literally building, other things were literally falling apart.  Hello Ripple Effect!  You say “Duh, of course other things were falling apart!”, but I was clueless.  Sure my daughter had become a bit reclusive, but she had been though a lot, she was just dealing.  Sure things continued to ‘slip’ at work, but I was busy, they were minor misses, no big deal.  Sure relationships were being stretched, but it’s not like I was wining about how bad things were, no- that’s not me.  I was putting on my happy “things are great” face and taking care of the pressing matters, if friendships were suffering, they were suffering, it’s not like friends wouldn’t still be there when the chaos cleared.  But, even as you read this you realize how ridiculous all of those statements are.  The truth is, all of it was a way bigger deal than I could see or was willing to see at the time and it took me till the end of summer to realize it, leaving the last half of 2015 in a scramble to try and demo and then band-aid the gashes.  And band-aid I did.

Now we are in 2016 and I’m ready for mending and new growth.  I feel like I’ve finally surveyed the damage and done a great deal of clean up.  Like my house after the disaster, first we had to let all the bad stuff fall apart and get knocked out, the come and clean it all up, sucking out every last speck of ash, sealing off the smoke.  We had to bring everything down to a clean state before we could rebuild.  That is where I find myself in 2016.  And you know what?  It is kind of fun.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, a lot of it sucks, this whole new groundwork has to be laid and our muscles are still sore from the demo, but we are healthier for it.  I am, my kids are (not that I’m willing to say I’d do it again, watching your kids grow through pain is horrible, but there has been such growth), my friendships are even becoming healthier.  And the prospect of what is coming, like looking at the plans for my new kitchen after fire had ravaged it, now that is exciting.  Scary, difficult, uncharted, but exciting.

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