My Outlandish Life

Effort.

Seems easy doesn’t it? Then why is it so hard?

Valentines day is around the corner and men will be rushing out to buy cards, chocolates, jewelry and lingerie. They’ll book hotel and dinner reservations all in the hopes of showing their love and affection to their significant other, or at least to stay out of the dog house. But does it work? Is it enough? Or will it be an epic fail? Don’t worry, there are ideas below, but first, we must understand the root of the problem.

Getting to your man’s heart is easy, or for most men anyway. We all know the old saying “a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. And without being vulgar, we all know the other way is through his sexuality. A Woman’s heart is just as easy to touch, it just requires a little bit of effort!

Effort is the key. But effort to run to the store and buy roses just isn’t enough romance. Women want some time and energy spent on wooing them. They long to be desired and made the object of someones affection. Object enough that they might spend time and energy, effort, trying to romance them. Want to know why the super twisted “50 shades” franchise is so hot? It’s not because so many women are into bondage and sexual perversion, in fact I would argue quite the opposite. It’s because women are drawn to desire. They want, need, and long to be desired and romanced and wooed.

It doesn’t take a lot, and it doesn’t have to be expensive, it just has to have time and effort put into it, and it has to portray desire. Not sexual desire, or not ONLY sexual desire, but total affection. It requires knowing your mate fully and knowing how to woo them and then spending the time and effort to do it.

Here are some ideas to help you this valentines day. Based on the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, of which I am a big fan, but each takes effort and wins on romance.

1. If she always writes you little notes, texts, or emails expressing her love- then she probably is a words person.

Set aside some time to TELL HER what you love about her. Write it in a letter, poem, or song. Have something engraved or personalized.

2. If she always wants to go out or do something together- she is probably a time person.

Take her to do something romantic together or plan a day together. Take her on a picnic, sign up for a class (a painting class, dance lessons, cooking, you name it), go on a trip. She wants memories and time with you.

3. If she always does little things for you like make you coffee or offers to pick up your dry cleaning- she is probably a service person.

Cook her a romantic dinner, but only if you don’t already cook dinner every night. It has to be effort remember. Draw her a bath and take care of the kids or give her a massage.

4. If she always wants to snuggle, hold hands, and kiss- then she is probably a touch person.

Let’s be honest, this is the one guys love. But…it’s not about you, it’s about her, it’s about romance. Give her a massage or rent a movie and plan a snuggle night…light candles.

5. If she always buys you little gifts or picks up your favorite candy at the store- then she probably is a gifts person.

This is the only person flowers or chocolates are enough for, but she probably always longs for it to be taken a step further. Spend some time remembering things she said she wanted or things that she loves and pick it up for her. Does she always take baths? Buy her an array of nice and fancy bombs and bubbles, then bonus draw one up for her and take care of the kids. And, the unexpected gift, the one where someone listened to you and heard you when you said you liked something, that is always the best gift.