I was having a really good day today. I got up and went on a walk with my mother this morning before work. I went to work and was super productive today, even though I had to leave early at 2 o’clock to pick up my kids. I got so many things checked off my list and such a short amount of time. I picked all my kids up from school and they were all in great moods. Then I got two test results that I’ve been waiting for (one for weeks) and the results were exactly what I was praying. And then one interaction with one person sent everything in a downward spiral.
Isn’t it amazing how one person can change your good day into a bad one in no less than three point two seconds? In this case, that person was my husband. I have been a stressed out, foggy headed, worrywart for days and days, and the man who should know me better than anyone, the person who lives with me, should completely know and understand this. But of course, he doesn’t. So when I got great news today it felt like I was hit with exhaustion, like I suddenly was breathing out for the first time, like I had become a deflated balloon. He of course does not understand this. He wonders why he did one insensitive thing and I completely went crazy.
Here’s the thing, I married a man. I like being married to a man. I wanted to marry a man. I like being married to not just any man, but a total man’s man, a guy’s guy. Someone described me at work last week as a highly feeling and sensitive but not atypical, emotional person. I like this description, if fits me well. I am very attuned to my feelings and emotions, but I’m not one to share them with others, or break into tears, on a regular basis. And I certainly don’t want my husband to. But sometimes, every once in a while, it would be really nice if he were less like a man, and more like a sensitive, caring, understanding, emotionally, in-tune woman. But alas, I realize that I can’t have it both ways. So what did I do? I lost my cool, I ripped him a new one, I gave him the old what for. I came unhinged and unglued like an absolute lunatic. I’m not proud of it and it wasn’t even completely fair, but right now I’m mad enough to not want to do much about it. If I’m being totally honest.
And the part that makes me the most crazy…It’s the same song, different tune all the time. We are completely predictable with our marriage failures, and our unhingedness.
Oh, I’ll pick up my pieces and glue myself back together by morning, along with the pieces I ripped from my spouse. But right now I’m going to lick my wounds and baby myself with some chocolate, a hot bath, a glass of wine, and an early bedtime.