So I’m discovering that when your child crosses over the threshold into adulthood, it’s a real butt whipping. You find yourself constantly teetering back and forth between “oh my gosh, my baby is leaving….don’t go!” and “Dear God, how much longer till you leave…I can’t miss you till you’re gone!”
Wise friends who have walked this road before me assure me this is normal. I mean I seriously do not want my daughter to leave for college. I am going to miss her like crazy, and our house will never be the same. It sends me into tears at the mere though. And yet at the same time, I am so ready for her to go. There are days…lately more and more…where I think, I am really really ready for her to start her life….away. She has become so opinionated, so desiring to be heard, so infuriatingly certain that she has all the answers. And isn’t that what I wanted? Kind-of anyway? Didn’t I want her to grow up, to desire to make her own path, to want to go and figure it all out? It is, I’m sure of it, it’s exactly what I wanted. And yet, as it comes, as they begin to head down that path, you become painstakingly aware that you just can’t let go and let them follow their own blind stupidity. And blind stubborn stupidity it is. I almost can’t keep myself quiet. And so it seems that one of us indeed must go. It’s hard to have two women asserting their authority under one roof, one can’t figure out how to be an adult, forge that path, make those life lesson mistakes, with another adult standing over them, unable to keep quit. It’s part of God’s design I think, to help us let go.
A year ago, I would have thought I could never do it, never let her leave this house. And even still, half of all days I think I still can’t. But there are those other half of all days where I’m thinking “don’t let the door hit you on your way”… Terrible to admit, but true. This is how it goes.
I’m sure by the time August rolls around there will be another blog, and I will be just as certain I can’t let her go, and just as ready to kick her butt out the door. But until then, I am thankful for the bonding milestone moments that I know are still in store this last year of childhood. And thankful for the moment’s of maturing ahead, as she grows into the woman she is supposed to be…even if it makes me want to kill her, just a little, in the process. And did I mention wine? Thank God for wine!