So Matt and I have had many talks about adoption and foster care over the years, and some very recently. Many of you know that we adopted our youngest child. Often we’ve wondered what her life would be like if she wasn’t ours. Sure, she’s down in here room reading right now thinking I’m the worst mom on the face of the earth because she has found herself grounded from media today, but all in all, I’d say she has it pretty good.
We have gotten ourselves into an interesting situation where we are currently beginning to build our own home. It’s maybe one of the coolest circumstance we’ve ever been in, and we are so grateful for the blessing. However, we are also realizing that we will be moving into a new home, the same time that our oldest child will be moving out for college.
It’s so emotional to me that she will be leaving us, that I can honestly barely stand the thought of it. And then I wonder, what will we do with all of that extra space? We’ve planned a home for five, that will only house four. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s no mansion…and yet I realize, that it indeed would be a mansion to many. And I must ask, are we being called to more?
So I find myself in a quandary. Adopting our daughter was one of the scariest, happiest, most stressful, most amazing experiences of our lives. And there were moments in that process when I wanted to give up, run away, or back out, and I would have missed out greatly. But it was so hard, so emotional, so exhausting, so many what if’s……and then I think, SO WHAT? parenting is hard and scary. And who ever said that love was supposed to be easy? Isn’t that our calling to be a helper, defender, and father to the fatherless? That’s who God is, and aren’t we supposed to be becoming more and more like our father each day? How can I teach my kids to give and hold their possessions loosely if I’m not willing to do so myself, even when I’m terrified to do so?
At the same time, I know my first order of business is to protect my current children, keep them safe, and make sure their home is secure. So what is right? How much emotion, exhaustion, stress can I take? How hard might the next journey be? There are even more unknown’s than I’ve ever faced before.
I know, you’re thinking “is she saying they are going to foster or adopt a child?”, I honestly don’t know if we will, but I think that I feel confidently, that I know we should. When, how long, what parameters? I have no idea. Will it happen as soon as we move a year and a half from now, three years down the road, or ten? I don’t know. I just know that we’re dealing with the question of what God is calling us to do with our blessings, and I don’t think he’s calling us to sit on them…and that is scaring the pants off of me.